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Lenten Moderation and Holiness

by Pia de Solenni 

A woman once went to Padre Pio and asked him to pray that God send her more suffering. He refused, saying that God will give us whatever suffering we need.

I often think of this story during Lent, when it’s so tempting to resolve that we’re going to be mystics in 40 days. Maybe it’s just human nature to make things harder than they need to be.

After all, how many of us have failed those tests with the instructions, “Only put your name on this paper and hand it in”?  In college, one of my classmates was always the first to leave the exam room and always seemed to turn in a very succinct exam. It was a revelation to me to realize that I didn’t have to write down everything I knew; I just had to answer the question.  When my husband and I were dating, we used to tease our friends who got into agonizing discussions with their dates about whether they were dating or “just friends.” By this point, we’d learned not to complicate things. Stop talking so much and just kiss each other.

I notice this tendency to complicate things when it comes to our Lenten practices or even how we understand the teachings of the Church.

Perhaps the Church’s teaching on contraception illustrates this best. People often take it to mean that we are somehow obligated to have as many children as biologically possible, neglecting the precepts of prudence and generosity as outlined in the encyclical Humanae Vitae (n.10).

In reality, the Church realizes that we all have various gifts and callings, which will play out differently for each person and each family.

When it comes to Lent, some struggle with the instruction to avoid meat on Friday. It hardly seems penitential when we can still go out and have a lobster dinner. The penance in this instruction is one of obedience. It’s a rule that we have to follow. Obviously, there’s room to do more. One could decide to fast also or to have a simple meal. Good things, but they shouldn’t be confused with the basic instruction, which is simple obedience.

Similarly, some might struggle with those who break the fast just after midnight on a day of fasting. However, for the Church, a day is the precise 24-hour cycle which marks the beginning and end of the calendar day in a specific geographical area. Sure, one can continue a spirit of penance beyond 12 midnight, but that’s above what the Church requires. At the same time, sticking to the basic requirement only as long as required could enable one to appreciate more fully the contrast between the period of fasting and its end.

Yes, the Christian life is a way of extremes. We have a God who loved us so greatly that he became one of us, suffered and died for us even though he bore no blame. As Christians, we are called to reciprocate his love by loving him entirely, with every aspect of our being, in all things, not just one hour on Sunday. But this faith of ours also exudes moderation and reasonableness, even during Lent.

It’s frequently commented that the perfect is the enemy of the good. We can get so caught up in trying to be the mystic or the perfect saint that we only set ourselves up for failure. A friend of mine was crushed when, only a few days into Lent, she failed in her resolution to give up a lifelong smoking habit. Her spiritual director suggested instead that when she smoked that she take the opportunity to have a cigarette with God.

There are surely mystics among us, but even they must be guided by a good spiritual director who might set limits to their aspirations for their own good and salvation.

In the meantime, there’s no need to berate ourselves when we fail to become John of the Cross or Teresa of Avila by Easter. The point of Lent is not so much to do the work of sanctification ourselves, but to allow God to do the work in us. Sometimes, that simply means realizing that we need him, that we can’t do it on our own, no matter the severity of our penance.

How reasonable.

Pia de Solenni writes from Seattle, Wash. She can be reached via Facebook and Twitter. (Her website is getting a prolonged makeover and is currently offline.)

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(The views expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the positions of Headline Bistro or the Knights of Columbus.)